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The Auxano Approach to Communication: Step 3

This week, we’ll continue and conclude the four-step Auxano Communication Approach©. As a reminder, the first two steps are: Step 1: Observe and talk about what you just noticed. Step 2: Invite the other person to hear the story you’re telling yourself. Today, we’ll look at possibly the hardest step that may demand the most […]

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The Auxano Approach to Communication: Step 2

As the second part of a four-part series, it’s imperative that you read “The Auxano Communication Approach: Step 1” before reading any further. This approach to strengthening relationships is a four-step process that requires you to progress from one step to the next. Now, the second step of the Auxano Communication Approach© is to invite […]

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The Auxano Approach to Communication: Step 1

Over the course of the next two weeks, I’ll share each step of the Auxano Communication Approach© in its own post. The entire approach is detailed in Chapter 13 of my book, The Stories We Tell Ourselves. In my previous post, “Your Spouse is Not Your Nemesis,” I discussed how important it is to the […]

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Your Spouse is Not Your Nemesis

In my counseling practice, I use a particular psychological approach that helps married couples in conflict learn how to work together against a problem instead of either spouse seeing the other as the problem—even if only one spouse is the major problem within the relationship. To do this, I encourage my clients to learn how […]

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How Much Do Your Relationships Cost?

It’s a bit of a strange question. Try to take a step back from your closest relationship and view it as an outsider granted insider information. What would that outsider say in regard to how much that relationship costs you in time, money, effort, emotions, words, stress, or heartache? If this is your closest relationship, […]

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The Most Important Thing in Life?

If relationships are often the key ingredient to anxiety in our lives, why should we even bother with pursuing them? Why should we worry ourselves about seeking to heal broken relationships? Wouldn’t it make more emotional sense to just distance ourselves from the other person? Wouldn’t that save everyone involved from more heartache and pain? […]

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When You’re the Focus of Someone Else’s Story

Much of The Stories We Tell Ourselves focuses on you as an individual. I outline multiple ways for readers to stop telling themselves made-up stories based on inaccurate, faulty, hoped-for versions of reality. As I often remind my clients, the only thing you really have control over is yourself, so learning how to change yourself […]

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When You’re Right

In my last post, I asked the question, “What if you’re right?” What if the stories you’ve been telling yourself about a situation or person turn out to be true? Now, I’m of the opinion that this is seldom the case (else, I wouldn’t have written a book that aims to edit or eradicate The […]

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What If You’re Right?

Few more smugly satisfying experiences in life exist than when you’re able to tell someone else, “I told you so.” If you’re humble enough to not say the words out loud, I’m sure you’ve likely thought them. Maybe you gave a knowing nod to the person about whom you were right. Maybe the other person […]

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Outside In

In my last post, I discussed Disney Pixar’s movie Inside Out. I wrote about how that movie captures much of the essence of my book, The Stories We Tell Ourselves, in that it literally depicts those voices in our heads that tend to hold too much sway in how we interact with others. At the […]

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