Inside Out

If you haven’t seen Inside Out, check it out. In typical Disney Pixar fashion, it’s a smart, engaging tearjerker for kids and adults alike. Inside Out may also be one of the best movies depicting the actual Stories We Tell Ourselves. With characters portraying Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust living within the mind of […]

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The Key to Better Relationships

In Chapter 12 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I wrote that it’s “absolutely possible to have a better marriage, better friendships, and better business relationships,” and not just because the reader had bought my book. Pause for a moment and consider what better business relationships would look like for you.  Now consider how your […]

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Is Anxiety Your Constant Companion?

When a circumstance in life isn’t working out the way you expected it to, or a relationship turns sour that you never thought would go bad, what do you feel before encountering that circumstance or relationship again? In The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I defined anxiety, in most cases, as “a refusal to accept life […]

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7 Steps to Control Your Anxiety

In Chapter 11 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I share these seven steps to control your anxiety: 1. Notice your body and emotions (a.k.a. self-awareness). 2. Breathe deeply. 3. Control what you can control. 4. Surrender to what you can’t control. 5. Talk to yourself in a positive manner. 6. Do something life-giving in […]

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Own Your Role.

If you’ve read The Stories We Tell Ourselves, or this blog for any length of time, you know that I tend to revisit the same themes on a consistent basis. That’s partly due to the fact that my clients tend to wrestle with the same issues over and over. It’s also why I wrote a […]

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Do You Accept Life the Way That It Is?

In Chapter 11 of The Stories We Tell Ourselves, I wrote, “Anxiety is a refusal to accept life the way that it is rather than the way we want it to be.” Do you agree with that statement? Think of a recent event where your anxiety noticeably increased.  Maybe your boss has scheduled an unexpected […]

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The #1 Reason You Get Frustrated

“I’m just . . . I don’t know. Frustrated.” I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard that expressed by my clients. That word—frustrated—reveals to me that they don’t know the real problem behind their problems.  They’re frustrated because they want to see the circumstance or relationship change for the better but they don’t […]

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The 90/10 Rule (Part 2)

In “The 90/10 Rule (Part 1),” I related that my dad would always tell me, “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” I agree with that statement, and it’s helped me immensely as a husband, father, counselor, family member, and friend. But since beginning my practice […]

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The 90/10 Rule (Part 1)

When I was growing up, my dad told me, “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” What my dad was trying to tell me is that much of what happens to us in life is outside of my control, but the one thing I could control […]

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Your Marriage, Your Problems

In After the Fight, therapist Daniel B. Wile wrote, “Choosing a marriage partner is choosing a set of problems.” You don’t consciously think about this fact when you’re dating. You tend to see what you want to see. When your brain is flooded with intoxicating chemicals, your judgment can be clouded (about the other person), […]

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