As the second part of a four-part series, it’s imperative that you read “The Auxano Communication Approach: Step 1” before reading any further. This approach to strengthening relationships is a four-step process that requires you to progress from one step to the next.
Now, the second step of the Auxano Communication Approach© is to invite the other person to hear the story you’ve been telling yourself.
This is a hard step, because it means you have to be honest with yourself about the possible lies you’ve been making up about the person sitting directly across from you.
Depending on the severity of the situation, you may have to muster up as much courage and vulnerability as you possess. You’ll also need self-confidence to face the reality that you have no idea how the other person may respond to the story you’re telling them about what you’ve been telling yourself.
I encourage my clients to accomplish this step by starting their conversations with phrases like:
- “The story I’m telling myself is …. ”
- “The picture in my head is …. ”
- “The way that I hear that is …. ”
This invites the other person into the fabrications you may have created about them and about your relationship.
And while their response may be negative, your vulnerability ought to engender more trust within the relationship, and may even lead the other person to reveal the stories they’ve been making up about you—which leads to Step 3.